Fruits Basket: Nanny 911!
by Platapuss
Summary: In desperate need of a way to solve his family problems Shigure has called Nannny 911! Now the ladies are on their way to japan to do their stuff! who will prevail? The Sohmas or the Nannys?
1. Meet the nannys

**Fruits Basket Nanny 911**

Disclaimer: I own nothing of these shows!

(a/n By the way all this Nanny 911 stuff is total bullshit. I saw it on south park and laughed my ass off. Really I know nothing about the real show so forgive me if none of it makes sense. None of my fictional nannies are real)

* * *

"Hello I'm nanny Mc-fee" Said a very ugly fat women with extremely bad teeth. "I graduated the whales academy of nanying in 1972. I'm proud to say I have dozens of degrees in the area of child care."

"My name is Nanny Mc-Farlen." Said a second lady in desperate need of a nose job. She was blond and about in her 40's.

"And I'm Nanny Hooch, I graduated 1997 from the Oxford academy of nursing and annoying." Nanny Hooch was very skinny, like aunt Spiker from James and the Giant peach. She was an extremely spunky lady for someone dressed in all blue with a huge Texas shaped mole above her lip.

"And Today on Nanny 911 we will be traveling to Japan for a nanny emergency!" The ugly fat one was speaking now, and she had on a frilly white blouse, a tweed knee length skirt, black buckle shoes, white stockings, and a fuzzy red cape. It looked like she was from a bad 1950's movie.

"Yes, in this case we will be going to rescue Shigure Sohma. You see the Sohma household is plagued by troublesome and temperamental children!" Nanny Mc-Farlen finished talking and waved he hand about her head to cool herself down. She wore a Fuchsia jumpsuit.

Nanny Hooch took control of the conversation, "The Sohma's have any number of relatives staying with them at any time. People just come and go with barely any notice. They give Shigure no time on work on his novels, and no time to clean the home! So he has had to hire an orphan maid to do the chores for him. The maid is all purpose and sometimes has to help with repairs to damages caused by the two resident boys."

Hooch turned behind her and clicked on a large television set. Immediately on screen was Yuki flying thought the air over the dining room table. He crashed into the chair as he landed and summer salted over to the book case. Meanwhile Kyo was laughing his ass off in the corner until Books started hitting him in the face. He could be seen screaming something, and before long he retaliated by throwing a glass vase at his cousin. Shigure walked in just as Yuki leaped at Kyo, and was knocked to the floor instead. Kyo screamed something again and kicked Yuki in the head. "Well I think we've seen enough" Hooch turned the set off.

"Well I've never seen such violent children before in all my years of nannying." McFee looked a bit flushed in the face

"Yes I agree fellow nanny. This seems as thought it will be a tough assignment. Look how aggressive they were! And no respect for their elders I see!" Said Hooch

"I'd hate to see how the treat the poor maid! Hooch dear will you please play just the audio part of the tape?" Nanny Mc-Fee made her self more comfortable in her seat. Once she was done Nanny Hooch turned on a tape.

_"you slimy rat! How dare you call me festering feline! Ill kill you, you sun of a bitch!_ _ARRRRGGG"  
_There were loud crashed in the background, and Somebody moaned. "_Kyo Yuki are you two fighting again?"_ this voice was harder to hear than the others Loud laughter drowned out the other voices, until.  
_"BAM! BAM BAM!" things could be heard hitting against something.  
"Oh fuck you"_  
then there was a loud crash. Like the sound of breaking glass.  
_"ARRGG"  
_Somebody opened a door, _"hello its Shigure what's going ONNN!"_ Something very large was knocked to the floor.  
_"take that retard!" BAM! "Respect your fucking elders"  
_**Then the tape stopped.**

Nanny hooch cowered in her chair in fear. Meanwhile The old fat one just blinked in shock. "Su.. Such language" She murmured.

"Well I'll have to tackle this problem headfirst! Because I can clearly see that your not up to the task McFee." Said Mcfarlen. She jumped up onto her lazy-boy and flexed her flabby arms. "When do I leave?"

Hooch snorted. "Dear McFarlen your forgetting the protocol in you haste? First we must explain to our viewers"  
Nanny Mc-Fee's head bowed. "You see! she agrees with me!" (really she had fallen asleep)  
"As our regular viewers know one of us is chosen to stay at the household for one week to fix the attitude problems within the home. In this case Nanny McFarlen has so graciously volunteered, and will be leaving immediately on the next plane out. Once there she will start to set down rules and disciplines for the obnoxious children."

Nanny Mc-Fee snorted in her sleep.

"Oh yes you right Nanny Mc-Fee! We forgot to mention something, In the case that I find no progress another nanny will be sent in my place and so forth." The 'women in desperate need of a nose job' picked up her purse and bowed to the audience. "Ou revior!" She walked off stage.

Hooch rolled her eyes. "Stay tuned"

* * *

a/n like OMG! Yes who will win the nannies or the Fruits!** Stay tuned.**


	2. Introductions!

**Fruits Basket Nanny 911**

After 24 hours of chaotic plane flights, air ports and taxi drivers, Nanny McFarlen had finally arrived at the Sohma house hold. As she walked up the drive way she noticed someone staring at her from one of the windows. It was Kyo, and he was glaring. Nanny waved to the camera. " Now you see there is one of those delinquent boys! I'll have to mind him and his cousin while I stay here." Nanny McFarlen tripped as she was about to knock on the door.

"Hello! This is Nanny 911! Hello Mr. Shigure?" Flustered, Shigure rushed to the door and opened it.

"Oh hello! thank you for coming! thank you so much! Thank you! please come in!" Shigure grabbed McFarlen's hand and pulled her inside.  
"By the way what was your name again? Please come this way into the living room!" Shigure lead a very confused Nanny to a comfortablebluecouch and seated her down.

"Umm, I am the Nanny McFarlen. From Nanny 911. you must be Mr. Shigure? So nice to meet you!" Nanny crossed her arms and legs and waited for the Sohma to precede.

There was an awkward silence until Shigure realized that she was waiting for him to say something. "Ah well yes, you see." He fumbled around for something to say. "AH! You'll be wanting to meet the children right! TOHRU YUKI KYO! GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE WEVE GOT COMPANY!" In a heart beet crashing and the thudding of feet could be heard form all corners of the house. Tohru skidded into the living room and slammed into a book shelf.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry about that Shigure! I'm so clumsy!" Tohru stood up and bowed to Nanny McFarlen. There was a loud bang and a crash from upstairs and then an orange blur flew down the stairs.

"Feh!" Kyo waved his hand rudely and flopped down onto the couch. (Were nanny had been previously sitting.)

Then Yuki waltzed gracefully in from the hall. God only knows what he was doing beforehand. He reached out to shake the nanny's hand. "I hope you had a safe trip" he said coldly.

The nanny blanched, 'How could someone be so polite and so cold?' Because Nanny McFarlen was always prepared, and could always sense when something was important, she swiftly pulled out her purple notebook and pen and started to take notes on what had occured so far.

"KYO! is that any way to treat this women!"

"Shut up Shigure!" Kyo snapped.

"Oh Kyo please don't be rude--"

Kyo interrupted Tohru, "I don't see why you had to call that old fart anyway! Were perfectly happy!"

Shigure was starting to get pissed, this whole thing was beginning to get very embarrassing. And the Nanny lady was taking notes!  
"Kyo if you aren't civil I'll have leek soup poured over your head! Nothing but leek for a month do you hear me! LEEK!" Kyo cowered in the fetal position as Tohru rushed over to pat his back.

"there there Kyo I'm sure he doesn't mean it."

* * *

**Meanwhile Nanny McFarlen was taking detailed notes-**  
_-Shigure seems easily swayed -immature parental figure perhaps?  
-family seems very unaffectionate  
-parent figure not respected  
-maid has taken on roll of mother figure  
-Kyo seems to be ring leader of chaos -leek is used to threaten children?  
-Shigure too easy going._

Nanny McFarlen had a strict non interference policy on her first day in a home BUT.._' how old is this kid! and he's this rude! for the queens sake!'

* * *

_Yuki cut in. "No Shigure I believe the cat has a point. Why couldn't you handle this matter yourself? You had to hire some TV crazed British women to come and fix our problems? And what about Akito! What if he finds out!" Yuki's rage was barely containable. 'how stupid could his cousin be at times?' " I mean you could have at least blamed all of this on Kyo! Not me too!"

"HEY!" Kyo shouted from the couch. "Shut up you stupid girly man!" He and the rat glared daggers at eachother.

Well Yuki actually I haven't given Akito any thought. I guess we just won't tell him! And Kyo," headded in, "Leek for dinner!"

Kyo wailed in pain. "Oh no Kyo! leeks not that bad!" said Tohru.

Shigure deftly caught Yuki in an iron headlock. "And... If you don't behave for the nice British lady, " Shigure had a mischievous glint in his eyes that Yuki knew only meant something bad, "I'll tell Ayame you miss him."

Yuki stiffened like a board. "I'm so sorry Shigure, " he said in a hallow tone, " I love you please forgive, me I promise I'll behave for the nice Nanny." With that Yuki walked over to sit beside Kyo and Tohru.

Tohru leaned over and whispered, "Yuki-kun what did Shigure tell you to make you so submissive?"

And Kyo with his catty hearing answered for her, " Ayame! shh or Shigure will do bad things!"

But Shigure had Doggy like hearing so he heard all the whispering and shot Kyo a deadly look, causing him to hide behind Tohru in fear.

Nanny McFarlen coughed to get everyone's attention, and boy did she love attention. Once she had all eyes on her she clapped her hands happily. "Well, now that were all nice and calm I believe proper introductions are to be made? Then I will go over with you my plan for the next week."

Shigure sat on his chair and they all tilted their heads in unison. "Were confused"

Nanny McFarlen sighed. "I can see this is going to be a very hard assignment"

* * *

**a/n** ANNNNND cut! Chapter two ohh yeah I cant wait until I start adding in the family members! 


	3. Nanny Ingotnito!

**Fruits Basket Nanny 911**

Tohru was in the kitchen busily making breakfast. She had on her blue frilly apron and was currently making Kyo a bacon omlette. Kyo himslef, along with Yuki, were no whare in sight. The camera tilted for a second then zoomed in for a better focas as she placed the omlette on the table. Thoru then walked over to the counter and picked up two plates of food, rice for Yuki and pancakes for Shigure.

"Foods done!" she called merrily and went to back to clean up.

Nanny McFarlen hid behind a bookshelf in the ajacent room. Her plan was to remain as insonspicuous and incongnito as posible. "Now today is officialy day one of my stay here and the Sohmas house. Today I will go around with them following them to work and school. Seeing how they react to the people aroudn them. I will be like a shadow! They wont even know I'm here, they-" the camera man signaled for her to stop as they only had a limited amount of film time.

"Right" she nodded and the camera crew swung back to view the kichen, and the Sohmas eating breakfast.

Kyo greedily chomped down his omlette and yuki daintily nibbled on his rice. "Oh TOHRU! this is amazing! OOOHH OHHH! OHHHH It's so gooooooddd! MMMM!" Yuki whipped his fork at Shigure.

"How many times do we have to tell you not to act that way around miss Honda!"

"yeah. i mekn w-ahaht, h-o GULP w ollD aare yuu ag GULP en?" Kyo was too busy eating to swallow his food, or even care that his mouth was wide open as he spoke.

"Kyo please close you mouth at the table!" Tohru reached across the table and wiped Kyo's mouth with a napkin. Kyo blushed red like his hair.

The camera zoomed in full focas on Kyo's tomatoe face. "yes facinating" Nanny had her purple notebook out again.

"Hey Kyo, " Yuki said, "I think you like Tohru."

"HEY!" Kyo's omlette flew into Yuki's face. "Fuck you RAT!" Kyo spun around and gave the finger to the camera and stormed off. "SLAM!" banging the door behind him.

"Well now that he's gone we can eat in peace." Shigure sighed and draped his arm around Tohru. "My my my dear you would surely make a good mother. OOO!" shigure squealed in delight, "Tohru will you pose for my new novel?"

Tohru squealed. "SHIGURE YOU REALY MEAN IT! WHATS IT FOR!"

Shigure beamed, "WELL! It's about this lonely nurse and a young librarian who-"

"DISGUSTING PETAFILE!" Yuki stood up abruptly and grabbed his bag. "Were late for school Tohru lets go!" He grabbed her arm and pulled her out of Shigures embrace.

"But Yuki I need my model! Who will clean the house! YUKII" shigure whined and grabbed hold of Yuki's ankles.

"Oh no thats right I have to clean!" Tohru reached out for the sink, but Yuki wouldn't let her go.

"THIS HOUSE IS FULL OF IDIOTS! Shigure will do them lets go! The disgusting pig needs a bath anyway!" Yuki kicked shigure away from him and carried Tohru off to the door.

"NOOO! MY CHORES! I'LL BE HOMELESS WITHOUGHT THE-" Yuki slammed the door behind them.

"Ohh, " shigure hung his head, " now I'm all lonely. And I DON'T WANNA CLEAN THE KITCHEN YUKI!"

"CUT!" Nanny Mcfarlen called, " I believe thats enough tape for now! She scribbled down one last not and surveyed her information so far.

* * *

**She almost had enough-  
**_-sexual tension between kyo and tohru -yuki perhaps gay?  
-the boys hate each other _

_-shigure a very 'lively' character _

_-tohru is very humble to her disadvantage _

_-bad manner in the red haired one _

_-refer to eachother with pet names: dam rat, stupid cat, filthy dog _

_-strange love hate relationship exists between all members of family_

* * *

So now Nanny McFarlen just had to observe the family for the day and then SHE'D GO BALLISTA ON THEIR ASSES!  
But first Nanny had to talk to Shigure. "My plan is the follow the children to school, do you have a problem with that?"

**No responce**

"Shigure?" Nanny looked up from her notebook to find Shigure happily chatting ont he phone with someone.

"Oh no ayame thats not my editor its some brittish lady thats come to film the kids. Yeah i know isn't it! It's crazy were on tv! You should come over Yuki would love to see you! You have great personality don't worry! hey just stay here with us ok? great yay!" Shigure hung up and was about to shik merrily on his way when the nanny coughed.

"Mr. Shigure did you hear a word I just said? Don't you know its very rude not to listen to someone when their talking to you?"

Shigure twisted a finger around carelessly in his ear. "Yes I heard you. I agree completely!" (really shigure hadn't been listening to her at all. All those years of listening to Ayame rant had paid off. the result- Perfect last minute responces! and you didn't even have to know what you were talking about.) Then he walked off to continue with his current book.

"YES!" Nanny McFarlen was excited. "Off to school!"

It was lunch time and Kyo, Yuki, Hana, Tohru and Arisa were all eating in their usual spot.

"Hey Kyo, " Arisa looked over her shoulder towards the other side of the room, "did you know theres a lady in a green jump suit following you?"

"Yup." he said, then returned to eating his meal.

"Could you tell us WHY the ladys following you?"

Kyo shrugged. "Shigure hired this 'Nanny 911" show to tail our asses and change Yuki and I into nice little boys."

"I think that he really called that lady to fix you. Your the one who pisses everyone off." said Yuki who was sitting next to Tohru.

"Kyo doesn't piss anyone off do you Kyo? It's just that you two don't get along thats all! We all love Kyo." Tohru got up from her place next to Yuki and hugged Kyo.

"GAAAHH! TOHRU!"

"NO! WAIT TOHRU DONT HUGG!" yuki leped from his seat, but tangled with Hana, and landed flat on his ass, in rat form.

"WHAT! camer roll back tape! where did those boys go! I must know!" The camera rolled back in slow motion-

Tohru hugging Kyo, then smoke puffed up out of noware. The Yuki Diving throught the air but tripping on Hana. they both slowly go down, then poof! More smoke. and boys clothing everyware.

"Boys! where did you go! I don't know you were majitions! Next time you want your 15 minutes of fame, WASTE SOMEONE ELSES TIME!"

(Picture Tohru and the others anime falling.)

Hana covered her face. "She's hopeless!"

* * *

**a/n** and out! I got so tired from typing sorry! next chapter- AYAME COMES TO VISIT! and nanny gets down to buisness. 


	4. Nanny cracks down!

**Fruits Basket Nanny 911**

Nanny McFarlen was in the bath tub. They had a nice bath tub at the Sohma's house, it was nice and big enough for her to stretch out in. _'Yeah.'_ She sighed and leaned back into the bubbles. Today would be the first day of her CRACKING DOWN! and she knew just were she wanted to start.

"I'M CRACKING DOWN ON THAT CAT'S ASS!" Nanny had started to call them by their pet names.

Kyo was the worst of all of them. Annoying, unmannered, disrespectful, violent. She shuddered at the thought of another relative coming to stay with them, this _'Ayame'_ character. It seemed to be a pattern, none of the Sohma's were normal!

Nanny looked down at her purple notebook. "It's going to get dangerous for you my notebook! Your were I hide all my secrets!" Last night she had caught Yuki eyeing it carefully. He was the smart one, cool and calculating, she'd have to watch out for him.

**

* * *

Nannies plan-**  
_-Change Kyo's cloths, hair, style. PREPATIZE HIM _

_-Engage Yuki in sports, make him more athletic and less girly/ creepy _

_-give the maid some time off, since she seemed to be a border, make the med do some of the work!  
-put Shigure in drama classes to calm him down _

_-family time 3 times a week _

_-share feelings at dinner

* * *

_"hmm. I wonder how they'll take all this change?" She was going to lay it all out for them after breakfast.

Yuki picked up his toast. "So, today is the day the Nanny cracks down." He sighed and stuffed it into his mouth.

"I'm scared. What if she makes us do even more chores? I won't have time for school work." Tohru absent mindedly fiddled with her spoon

Kyo coughed on his juice. "WHAT! Tohru are you crazy! She'd not giving you any chores to do! She's gunna give you a break and make us do all the work!"

"What are you scared of her cat?"

"Aren't you stupid rat?" Kyo started to stab his napkin with his fork.

"lalalalaa. Good morning silly kitty! Good morning little Yuki! and my lovely Tohru!" Shigure pranced in smiling and sat down at the table.

**Stares**

Yuki and Kyo huddled together, "What the hell is up with him?"

"I dunno he's way too happy. something's up."

"You think he got laid last night?"

"He was here the whole time! no one came in or out!"

"You sure?"

"yeah I was on the roof all night thinking. unless.."

Kyo and Yuki shot a glance at Tohru who was eating her food still, clueless as usual. They looked back at each other uneasily.

"You don't think?" doubted Kyo

"NO!" they said in unison

"Of course not" Yuki said to reassure himself. They both sat down, Suspicious of Shigure.

"GUESS WHAT!" Shigure yelled, "AYA's COMING TO VISIT TODAY!"

"NOOO!" all three children screamed in fear and leapt up from the table.

"Monster!" screamed Yuki as they tried to escape. But nanny McFarlen blocked their path.

"uh ahh! naughty children we must talk! sit down!"

Nanny laid down the new house rules to everyone-"One," she said, The camera zoomed in on her face,

"Starting now we will all have family time three times a week. You will get together and share your feelings at dinner, breakfast and whatever." She wasn't surprised at the shocked, even despondent looks she received from the men. All focus was on Kyo. They, Nanny and the Producers, had decided earlier that he would be the most entertaining to film. Tohru looked fine though. _'poor dear must be a little slow.'_

"Second I'm not really happy with the arrangement you have with miss Honda here so she will be receiving a much needed break from her work. All you men will be taking over half of her duties. It's disgusting having such a young lady do all your work for you."

At this Tohru's mouth dropped open. _'would they even keep her here for half the chores?'_ "But-"she started but Nanny waved her hand for silence.

"It is final. Now concerning you all individually." Her expression darkened, as did Kyo and Yuki's. Nanny paused for effect, maybe a bit too long because the camera man coughed.

"Nanny, " he whispered, "please continue soon!"

"Right sorry, KYO! You will be given a new change in wardrobe to humble your over, how should we say.. zealous personality? I will be placing strict time limits on your activities and miking your room."

"WHAT!" Kyo almost fainted in shock, "WHY DO YOU NEED TO MIKE MY ROOM YOU STUPID WENCH!" At that Shigure smacked Kyo upside the head.

"Very nice Shigure! To answer your question Kyo, I've noticed that you like to sneak out at night an lay on the roof. It is very dangerous for young men to be climbing roofs so the microphone is to ensure no sneaking."

Kyo moaned. _'new style? no privacy?'_

"That's not all your worried about her hearing is it?" Yuki sent Kyo an evil look.

"Can it you dam rat!"

"As for YUKI!" the boy in question looked up from Kyo's headlock. "I'm enrolling you in boxing. I feel that your much too girly and skinny. You need to buff up and let out all that anger you have." Nanny looked pleased with herself. "Shigure I suggest that you discipline the boys more often as you did just now. You use leek to smack Kyo, and for Yuki I believe a good spanking will suffice.

Shigure nodded in agreement. Kyo and cackled in the background. "You have to be spanked!" SMACK!

Shigure stuffed a head of leek into kitty's mouth. "Bad Kyo!"

"Now as for these rude pet names you all have, Rat, cat, dog, I don't like them. Use your proper names for now. I will be assisting Shigure in the discipline process, that it all. everything starts now!"

"CUT!" The camera man shouted.

"Shigure my pet! Little brother I'm here! Ayame has arrived!" Ayame bursted through the door carrying several large suit cases. He flourished his red coat and smiled at the camera.

"Snake! It's not on anymore!" Yuki shouted and ran to his room, Kyo was already climbing out the window for escape.

"SMACK BAM!" Shigure caught Yuki over his lap smacked him 3 times. "AHH! not in front of Ayame no!" Yuki cried and ran away.

Kyo looked dazed and sick on the floor. He had more leek shoved in his mouth. Nanny McFarlen waved it in his face, "hmmph! That'll teach you to climb through windows!"

"Aya!" Shigure smiled and his favorite cousin. "So good to see you! It wasn't cold was it?" the two clasped hand and skipped upstairs were they could talk more privately.

"Oh no dear cousin. I survived the long, grueling taxi drive over here. But the smell of the gas was horrible on my delicate nose."

"Well Aya doing what we always do should make you happy."

"YES!" they said in unison

**

* * *

a/n** yes yes, now soon Ayame will start to cause UTTER CHAOS! Hatori will show up, and eventually a meeting with Akito will be scheduled. 


	5. The no more nanny plan

**Fruits Basket Nanny 911**

With Yuki: _(While Kyo hangs out with others)  
_"YUKI!" Ayame called for his little brother in a sing-song voice

"YUKI! Dear brother where are you hiding from me! OOOO!" Aya squealed in delight. He spotted a white pair of tennis shoes sticking out from under the dining room table.

"GOTCHA!" Ayame frowned. It was a trap, Yuki was too clever for him.

"Hmmm.." Ayame only had one chance, he had to give this allot of thought were would he hide.  
He clapped his hands and started around the table. "Ok Yuki I give up! Come out PLEASE!"

**Nothing.**

Ayame sighed, he gave him no choice! "HWAH!" He flipped the table over and grabbed Yuki.  
"So little brother thought you could stick to the table eh?" (a/n like in Matilda)

Yuki squirmed in his brothers embrace. "NO! let me go Ayame! I won't go to that stupid class! No! NOO!" he screamed as his brother started to carry him off to the car.

"Now now Yuki! You have nothing to fear! Getting out all that rage will be good for you. Why even I took a martial arts class at your age!" He grabbed the car keys and hoisted Yuki over his shoulder.

"BOXING ISN'T MARTIAL ARTS YOU BUFOON!" Yuki grabbed hold to the door and refused to let go." AND IM NOT RAGEFULL! IT'S ALL THE DAM NANNIES BULLCRAP!"

Ayame tugged on his legs but the rat still wouldn't let go. "YUKI! Please don't make me spank you!" Ayame let go of his little brother, making him fall flat on the ground.

He twitched. "no spanking please..." Yuki mumbled. Then he sprung up.

"GOOD! little brother this will be fun! I'll be cheering you on the whole time! WHEEE!" Ayame smiled and giggled his way to the car, while Yuki sprinted off in the opposite direction.

"You'll have to catch me first!" he screamed as he ran off.

"No!" Ayame stumbled and chased after him, "Wait Yuki!"

With Kyo: _(While Yuki is at Boxing)_  
"Nice Cloths Kyo." Arisa smiled at his new style. Flats, sweater vest, tie.

"Shut up! It's all that dam Nannies fault!" Kyo growled and yanked at his wool vest. "I mean look at this thing! It's like I'm wearing my own fur or something!"

"Yes we definatly need to find a way to get rid of that women." Tohru delicately crossed her legs and sipped her tea.

"WOH! Tohru even you agree with me? This is great ok, I already have a plan cooked up!" Kyo grasped Tohru's hands excitedly, he was grinning from ear to ear.

"Well of course I agree with you Kyo-kun! Making someone change their personality is wrong! Besides, " she blushed, "Your always smelling like leek lately."

Kyo blanched. "I hate her."

Hana spoke for once, "Right, shall we get down to business?" All nodded in agreement.

"So Kyo." Arisa had this huge smirk on her face, " Your room's bugged?"

"Yup."

"So if you were banging someone she could hear everything."

"Yup."

**THE: OPERATION DESTROY NANNY, PLAN!  
**_Distract Nanny with Ayame _

_meanwhile Kyo distracts Shigure with girly magazines _

_and Yuki goes in for the kill and steals notebook

* * *

_Kyo explained his plan to the others _'with great detail.'_ "So we'll take action tomorrow! Right?"

"RIGHT!"

**That night at dinner...**

Yuki, Ayame, Shigure, Nanny, Tohru, and Kyo all sat at their overly crowded kitchen table.

"So Yuki, tell us how you got that black eye of yours?" Shigure sighed and looked at his cousin.

"OOOO! It's a ferocious tale! MY brother battled with this huge ape of a man! One punch, two then BAM! Hit square in the eye. But my little Yuki is so strong! He wasn't phases a bit!" Ayame squeezed the life out of his younger brother.

"Aya you snake, let-me-go! He- didn't ask.. You!" Yuki squirmed and wiggled as his brother tightened his grip.

"Yuki is so amazing! SO much talent! For such a young boy, how dramatic!"

Kyo groaned, "How is that dramatic! Shouldn't you tone it down Ayame!"

"Kyo-kun it's in my nature!"

"Ayame you know what I just realized?" Tohru looked toward the Nanny and back to Ayame, "Nanny here hasn't gotten to see your work before! You should show her!"

Shigure gaped, 'what the hell? Where did that come from!'

Ayame's eyes lit up with stars, "TOHRU! THAT IS THE MOST BRILLIANT IDEA! NANNY MCFARLEN YOU WILL HAVE THE GREAT HONOR OF SEEING I, AYAME SOHMA'S, GREAT WORK!"

sweatdrop "Umm, yes well... Mr Ayame what exactly is it that you do?" Nanny wasn't too sure about all of this buisness, after all Shigure wasn't looking too happy about it.

"I OWN A COSPLAY STORE! Tohru be my model tomorrow will you? Oh! and Yuki-"

"Nope I'm busy. Ask Momijii or someone." Like hell he was going to be modeling cosplay!

Ayame pouted. "Fine then.-" He slapped the table twice, "Tohru Nanny! come to the living room."

Shigure's head was spinning. "Oh look now you've done it! Once he's that excited about something there's no stopping him! ahhhhh!"

'yes,' Kyo thought evily as he ate his steak, 'yes. yes.'

* * *

**a/n** next chap wont be up till the end of week. I've pretty much run out of ideas.. WRITING BLOCK! 


	6. Preparation! Shigure's SPY!

**Fruits Basket Nanny 911!**

Nanny woke with a yawn and looked at her clock, it read 7:13, time for her to get up. McFarlen climbed out of her bed and pulled on her best jump suit, a yellow with black striped outfit like the one from kill bill. Nanny combed her hair and tied it in a ponytail, she wanted to look her best today, after all they would be seeing a fashion show! She had to show the family some respect by looking her best.

So once Nanny was finished with her morning routine she left her room and walked down the hall. She stopped outside Kyo's room and read a not taped on the door.

* * *

_For all of you people who want to no, I've gone shopping with that Yuki. We won't be back for a while. Probably around noon. _

_Yuki, and Kyo_

_**z:p!

* * *

**_

"Well, Isn't that refreshing a nice morning without their bickering. I must be making progress too if their out shopping together!" Nanny flipped her hair and went downstairs to tell Shigure about the note, and to eat breakfast. Tohru always made a heavenly breakfast. 

"Mr. Shigure Good morning!" She said as she entered the kitchen. Shigure was sitting at the table munching on some jelly covered toast, while Tohru was making up another batch at the counter.

"Oh! A good morning to you as well Nanny McFarlen." Said Shigure.

"Nanny, I'll only be able to make a simple breakfast this morning, I've already explained it to the others. Because of the show later, I don't have time to make something extravagant. I hope that's fine with you?" The toast popped out form the toaster and Tohru buttered both slices quickly before handing them to Nanny.

"No no that's quite fine dear, I have to watch my girlish figure anyway."

"COUGH!" Shigure inhaled his food and started choking on it.

"Shigure!" Tohru started to slap his back hysterically to get the food out. Shigure coughed more.

"Dear you have to use the hymlic maneuver!" Nanny positioned herself behind Shiugre and readied herself to start.

With one loud hackling cough toast spewed from Shigure's nose before Nanny could even touch him. He was blue, but up in an instant, "No need Nanny I'm fine now!" He waved his hands franticly by his face. 'There's no way that women is going to be humping my back!'

Tohru sighed in relief, "Well I guess I'll be off to pick up Kisa and Momijii. Ayame's gone off to get his stuff. Bye." Tohru waved as she walked away.

"Such a good girl, that reminds me, Kyo and Yuki have gone out shopping this morning! Did you know that?" Now at that moment Shigure was sipping his tea. His raw throught needed something warm to soothe it, but in this case he spit it out in Nanny's face.

"WHAT! ARE YOU SERIOUS!" He shook McFarlen's shoulders franticly, "WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT! SHOPPING TOGETHER!" He composed himself and let go of a very flustered Nanny. Her hair was all over the place now. "They are up to something I know it! There isn't a snowballs chance in hell that they'd actually go out for any other reason." He paused to think.

"Oh please haven't you considered the possibility that all my hard work has finally paid off? Maybe now they are bonding and becoming close like family should be." Nanny beamed at her cleverness.

_Shifty eyes,_ "I'm sending out a spy." Shigure walked off leaving the flustered Nanny all alone.

"He must have trust issues."

* * *

Kyo and Yuki were looking very suspicious standing around in the small convenient store. Kyo kept glancing around, and Yuki's fading black eye called too much attention to his face. 

"Dam kids." The clerk murmured and watched them through the mirrors. "They're always so suspicious looking.

"Ok Yuki you know the plan, go do your stuff!" Kyo barked and sauntered off towards the girly magazines, the ones he wasn't allowed to buy because he wasn't eighteen and didn't have an I.D. yet.

The store owner frowned when he noticed Yuki approaching him. "What do you want!"

Yuki lidded his eyes seductively and playfully toyed with his hair. "I need your help finding something."

What the hell! This kid was trying to hit on him! 'probably for cheaper prices!' "Hey listen up kid I don't care how dam sexy you are! Your not getting anything free from me yah hear!"

Yuki pouted, "But kind Sir that's not it at all! I have this terrible cough Cough cough and I needed help finding the medicine for it! My boy friend's being an ass and says he won't help me find it!"

Kyo walked up behind Yuki and punched him over the head, "I told you not to say that! I'm not your filthy boyfriend!" Kyo stormed out of the store, holding his stomach.

The owners expression softened, "So he's a gay basher? That's too bad for you kid."

"No! Wait Kyo don't brake up with me!" Yuki cried and ran from the store, after Kyo.

Outside him and Kyo jogged swiftly to the nearest park and sat down on a bench. Kyo pulled out at least 5 playboys (**a/n** I don't know what they have in Japan) from under his coat. "There now all we have to do is plant these by Shigure."

"Exactly, but I hope you realize that was the most humiliating moment of my life Kyo!" Yuki Screamed.

"WHAT! YOU THINK I DIDN'T HAVE TROUBLE NOT THROWING UP WHEN YOU PULLED THAT GAY STUNT!" Kyo screamed and waved a playboy about this head.(**a/n** I have nothing against gay ppl!)

"YOU DISGUSTING PIG IT WAS ALL YOUR IDEA! Now put that away it's offending me." Yuki 'humphed' crossed his legs smugly and looked away from his cousin.

"Whatever.." Kyo put the magazines under his coat, then noticed a dog watching them from near by. "HISS! SHOE! Away with you vile creature!" He swatted at the thing with a stick, until finally the dog ran away.

"You asshole don't torment the animals." Yuki stood up and started in the direction of home. "Come on lets go, we have more to do."

On their way home the dog came back to follow them. Every time Kyo would look back the dog would stop and itch itself or sit down. Kyo was getting annoyed, "Yuki have you noticed that dog following us?"

"Yes I have, A bit strange isn't it? I guess it must be hungry."

"I've only ever been followed by cats- WAIT!" Kyo looked franticly around, "Yuki! HE'S A SPY!"

Yuki, "GASP! Get the dog! He's one of Shigure's!" They sprinted off after the dog, which had taken off after the shouting had begun.

"Come back here you bastard!" Kyo screamed. He wasn't getting too far though because of the mag's in his coat.

Yuki stopped running, the dog was too fast for him. "Screw it, we'll just have to beat it home. Kyo why did you have to put both our names on that note! Of course Shigure would think it was suspicious!"

"Feh. Maybe your right. But that doesn't matter now, we have to get back." They rushed home.

* * *

Meanwhile at the Sohma residence Ayame was setting things up for his advertisement, I mean demonstration. 

"Chop chop people! Time is ticking slowly away! Tohru put Kisa in this costume! Momijii? Where's my little bunny boy?" Aya scurried two and fro franticly grabbing up scattered outfits.

"Here I am Ayame. Look at me I'm a princess!" Kisa smiled and walked into the living room, followed by a maid, Tohru.

"Couldn't I be something other than this? I mean I DO already work as a maid so-" Aya cut her off.

"Your right! Here!" He shoved a skimpy nurses outfit into her face and pushed her into another room.

Momijii sat on the couch happily licking his red lollypop. Despite the fact that camera men zoomed about him, and Ayame was constantly throwing things at him to put on.

Kyo ran in the front door and slammed it behind him, directly in Yuki's face. "What your problem stupid cat!" Yuki stormed in after him.

"Go away!" Kyo rushed to find Shigure while Yuki went to find Nanny McFarlen.

* * *

**A/n** Getting a bit long so I'm continuing it with another chap. It'll be up by tomorrow or my name is Nancy! 


	7. CHAOS! at the show

**Fruits Basket Nanny 911**

"Yes.. mmhmm, really?" Shigure knelt next to his spy dog on the porch. They were having a conversation of some sort but all Kyo could her was-

"Yarrhh, ggrrarfF! rahugm. hrumph." Poor Kyo couldn't understand Dog! Shigure sent his spy away, after giving him a biscuit and taking a bit of it himself. Now was Kyo's chance, he dashed to the end of the hall and waited for his moment.

* * *

Yuki sat in the living room next to Nanny and the others. Everything was prepared and set up, they were only waiting for the camera crew to be ready. The prince fidgeted nervously and looked around. "So Nanny why do you always carry that journal around with you?" It was true, practically every ware McFarlen went, so did her precious purple journal. On occasion though she would stash it some ware secret so that no one but her would know were it was.

Nanny Chuckled, "Oh Yuki you are a peach! Why would anyone carry their journal about with them HA HA HA, my my aren't you quite the joker." She playfully mussed up his hair. Yuki swatted her away mumbling about old women and jump suits. The camera man then gave the signal for the show to start, and Tohru appeared from the hall.

"3, 2, 1, rolling." Lights turned to focus on Miss Honda in her nurses outfit, then their was a horrendous scream from the other side of the house and utter chaos broke loose. As Nanny dashed down the hall to the source of the scream, Yuki snatched up the journal and dashed away with it. Kisa was flung into the camera man and transformed into the zodiac tiger, and let out a loud frustrated roar, which sent the men flying.

"No! Wait please do not run! That is no part of the plan!" Kisa chased after the men pleading for them to stay. To the men being chased by a talking tiger was a matter of life and death.

"RUN! That tiger is cursed and trying to steal our souls!" All the men ran to the door, but found it blocked by a very pissed off Ayame.

"You will not leave! My fashion show is the most important thing in your lives! This will be a day you'll never forget BACK TO WORK!" With that Ayame pushed and shooed them all back tot heir stations, though they were all shaking too badly to even perform their duties.

"BLAST! DAM YOU! Why have you gone and ruined my life!" Ayame fell to the floor in mock depression, "how will I ever live, how will my children go to school!" He lay down and covered his head, "I shall die here and now."

"You don't have any children!" said Kisa.

"ooh! My poor children THEY HAVE DIED! THEYA RE GONE!" Ayame pretended to faint.

"No! Don't let the sexy man die, " The main camera man rushed to Ayame's side, Tohru had disappeared to save Kyo from the ugly monster..

* * *

Kyo ran into Shigure as he went to see the show. "OOF! Kyo watch it!" Shigure screamed and stumbled over, landing on the floor next to some hentai magazines. "OH my Kyo.." 'Wait,' Shigure's brain kicked in, 'why does Kyo-kun have porno?' "AHHH!" he screamed.

Kyo's ears twitched, why did Shigure have to scream so loudly, "Shigure shut the hell up! It's not like you don't' look at these every day!" He kicked one of the magazines away from him.

"AIEEE!" The McFarlen had arrived.

"Oh god. Here we go." Kyo covered his face in annoyance, '3, 2, 1.'

"Disgusting! How could someone ever buy such filth! Such things should be banned! Because of lecherous perverts like you Women today aren't respected! We are treated as things and objects! We must fight for respect! How could you ever find such women sexually arousing! Do you touch yourself for such filth? How can you achieve orgasm while all the women in today's world are being disrespected because of you! YOU FILTHLY DIRTY FLEA INFESTED MONGREL!" Nanny bit at the hentai's and tore them in half, while Kyo and Shigure crawled away from her. "NOT SO FAST!" She reached out and snatched up Kyo, and began to viciously slap and spank him all the while saying, "Dirty dirty boy! How do you live with yourself! Filthy DIRTY BOY!"

Meanwhile Shigure had gathered up all the magazines and stashing them in his robes... Until Tohru smacked him upside the head.

"Shigure! don't keep those You pervert!"

"Gah... always with the harsh words."

Nanny stopped smacking Kyo and looked at him, "Kyo! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOUR SELF!"

**Silence...**

Tohru pried Nanny's clenched hands off of the cat and dragged him away. "He passed out minutes ago."

* * *

"POOF!" Kisa turned back to her normal self and ran away upstairs to find her cloths.

"Somebody get some water! Revive the sexy man! What was his name again? Ayame, yes, AYAME PLEASE WAKE UP! THE TIGER IS GONE! SHE WON'T HAVE YOUR SOUL!" The camera man had downright cracked. One of the other workers knocked him out with a salami he'd found while hiding in the kitchen from the 'big scary tiger'.

Kisa ran to get water from the kitchen, but on her way back tripped on the salami and fell on the main camera man. She spilled the water all over him and transformed, sending the other men flying.

"Save our souls! Save our souls!" They ran down the hall and locked themselves in the basement, Ayame's body was still blocking the exit.

"MUYAHAHAHAAA!" Maniacal laughter sounded and boomed from the top floor. "I have found the answer! Fear me!" the voice boomed in baritone. Ayame magically 'recovered' and Tohru dragged Kyo's body into the hall, followed by all the house's occupants, except the camera men, to see what was the matter.

Yuki walked down the stairs with Kisa on his back, he was wearing a red cape and was holding the purple journal.

"N-no! Not my precious baby! Not my journal! Young man give that back!" Nanny cried and forgot all about the slashed hentai's by the study.

Yuki let out a deranged cackle. "Never Nanny McFarlen! NEVER, BEULA-GLADICE AGNUS MCFARLEN!"

Nanny screamed with pure embarrassment, "Not my full name! How could you!" She cringed and sank to the floor in defeat. the Nanny had finally met her match.

Ayame sighed and waved his hand about, "Boy are they dramatic."

* * *

**a/n** uhh.. yeah I don't know what happened to my brain on this one... to much Beatriz? 


	8. Crazy Funnel Mind Erasing

Fruits Basket Nanny 911 

Tohru and the Sohma's stood in front of Akito. They itched and fidgeted and waited for their 'scolding' or whatever was to come. Hatori had to put a neck brace on Kyo from all the slapping Nanny had given him for those porno mag.'s, his poor young head could not withstand the violent whiplash caused by the ugly women's blows. They also had to put a funnel over his head because he kept itching the brace. The little kitty-boy looked like he'd just been to the vet. Yuki stood next to Kyo wrapped up tightly in a straight jacket, with a big scowl on his face. Now that was a shocker, but who honestly didn't see that coming? Another of the Sohma's was bound to crack sometime. It had taken Shigure, Ayame AND Hatori to subdue Yuki in all his craziness, but no the Prince didn't go in without a fight! He'd given his brother a deadly raspberry to the neck, Shigure a kick in the balls, and Hatori several mortifying slaps to the face before he went down.

Nanny had passed out in the hall after hearing her disgusting full name spoken aloud, the poor girl just didn't have the heart to change it. She was currently locked up in a 'secret' room somewhere in the mansion with the rest of her deranged crew. Hatori waited with the rest of his family for Akito to give him orders as to their memories, the question was, Who would get to replace them!

Shigure bounced up and down on his feet. He waved his hand for attention and cupped the other to his mouth as to be heard clearly, "Ooo Ooo! Akito! Akito please let me make up the new memories for the Nanny 911 crew! Please! I have so many ideas Akito! Akito!" He shouted, though the person in question was only a mere 2 feet away from him.

Akito covered 'his' ears and shouted back, "WHAT I CAN'T HEAR YOU! MAYBE YOU SHOULD SPEAK A LITTLE LOUDER JACK ASS!"

Shigure glanced to his left and whispered out of the corner of his mouth to Hatori, "Jeeze what's up his ass?"

Hatori coughed, "Kuronue."

Akito shot him a glare for silence, then walked over to Tohru, "BITCH SLAP!" and bitch slapped her face. "I'm guessing this was all your fault! So the blame is yours!"

"What!" _what! what what_.." Kyo echoed from inside his plastic funnel. "That's total bullshit! _bullshit bull shit.._ This is all doggy-boy's idea! He called the lady in the first place _place place_.., don't punish Tohru! _tohru tohru_.."

"Yeah!" Yuki added.

Akito stomped his foot in frustration. "Shut up crazy boy! Shigure tell me is this true?" Akito shoved his nose into Shigure's face, man was Akito being weird lately.

Ayame hugged his brother tightly, "Yuki is not crazy! He is just mentally frustrated! There's a big difference."

Shigure shrugged. "Ah well yes, I actually did call these people. Oopsy daises! Bad mistake on my part I guess."

**All sweat drop**

Tohru rubbed her cheek and stuck her toung SECRETLY out at Akito, because she didn't want to get slapped again by the crazy bitch. Yuki rolled his eyes, "Stupid! We've been telling you that since day one! BAD IDEA SHIGURE!"

Ayame nodded in approval, anything Yuki said was right. Until Hatori spoke, because Hatori had authority over Yuki. "Ayame I'm a doctor and I say that Yuki is temporarily crazy!"

Aya frowned and slung an arm over Yuki's shoulder, "Ah well. Little Brother I still love you even if you are."

"Ayame you git don't believe him!"

"Shhh shh shhh. Yuki, now Yuki stop fidgeting with your jacket. Shh shh. No Yuki, no need for words." Ayame placed a finger over Yuki's mouth to stifle his complaining. Honestly, everyone knew that when someone said, "I'm not crazy!" it always meant that they were!

Hatori growled then continued, "Akito we've established it's Shigure's fault, now can we please decide on what to do with the delusional British people in my study! And can we do something about Kisa! She's sleeping on my foot!" Hatori steamed and pointed at the young 'tiger.' She was really heavy for someone so small!

Tohru chuckled, which caused Akito to flip out. "Do YOU have something to say lady?" 'he' said.

Tohru yawned, and waved her hand about to make it stop. "Not really."

Akito cringed, She was playing mind games with him! "Fine, " 'he' rubbed his chin, "Everyone to the study!" then sprinted off calling, "Yuki carry Kisa!"

Yuki bawled, "But I can't! I have no arms!" Ayame patted his back comfortingly.

"Shh shh, now Yuki you are no different than everyone else. Don't use your condition as an excuse. You are a member of this family don't forget!." Then he skipped giddily away to join Hatori and the others.

"GAH!" Yuki roared in frustration, "Why is everyone so crazy!" Kisa snorted in her sleep. Yuki walked over and she rolled over onto his foot. His eyes twitched, she was heavy! "Kisa wake up! Get off my foot. Kisa." Yuki tried to pull his foot away but she latched onto him with a grip of steel. Yuki growled. 'Fine! I'll just dragg you there!'

* * *

Meanwhile in 'Akito's lare,' slash Hatori's study, the crew of Nanny 911 was drugged and tied to chairs. Hatori had erased the memories of all three, but now he needed ideas for the replacement memories. He was taking shout outs.

"Our house exploded so they had to flee!" screamed Kyo, he didn't echo when he screamed.

"No, The children were so bad that they ran away and quit!" shouted Shigure.

Ayame beamed, "Yuki-kun accidentally fed them Shroom's from his garden and they all hallucinated the whole thing! They finished their job's and left. The end."

Shigure nodded, "Ayame you **clever** bastard. How do you come up with these things! Brilliant Aya." Then they gave each other thumbs up.

"**Yes**." Aya and Gure said in unison.

"How about she got aids from a bloody chicken and left to seek medical attention at home?" Tohru's eyes lit up hoping that they would like her idea.

Akito smacked her on the head, "No." 'he' said flatly.

"Hmm," Hatori sat backward on the chair, "I'll have to ask you all to leave until I can decide." Then he dismissed his family, and reviewed the information in Nannies journal. Which idea would work best? He had to admit the explosion idea was very tempting and original. He was about to go with that when something caught his eye.

-_the man, Ayame Sohma is a striking beauty. How I long to touch him, to love and marry him! So stunning and creative. Truly I will visit him after my duties here are over,-_

"Oh God!" Hatori looked up at McFarlen and retched. He got this image of his cousin and the women naked and twisting in bed sheets._ They were moaning and writhing in lust filled passion. Ayame lowered his head down Nannies navel and-_

"AH! make it stop!" Hatori screamed and shook his head. He couldn't go with the explosion idea, she'd come back to mourn for him! Not the rabies either. That only left two options: Shroom's or Children?

Well Yuki was **crazy**. "I choose Shroom's!" Ari rose triumphantly, he had the answer! "Ayame! Come help me." from behind the door he heard 'Yes!' and several, 'awww's.

"Hatori love's me best!" Ayame squealed and waltzed into the room. "Ari let's get down to work! Let me do all the talking!"

* * *

Yuki was half way down the hall, with Kisa still latched onto his foot. "Not far now."

* * *

**a/n ideas for the ending! Loki needs ideas!** I have something in mind but I'm not too sure. 


	9. The outcome The boredom

**Fruits Basket Nanny 911**

**A/n** A huge credit to **RoniAngl **they were ever so gratious as to give me an idea for the end chap. Huge blockage in the writing department where this chapter was concerned.** Thank you RoniAngl!**

* * *

Nanny awoke sitting down in the dining room of the Sohma house. Actually we should say she 'came to,' seeing as how her eyes were already open. She looked around her questionably. How had she managed to drift off like that? It had never happened before.

She could remember a dancing tiger, ...and something about fungus. Wait fungus?

"What happened to me? Why is everything so hazy?"

Only Shigure and Tohru sat at the table with her. "Oh Nanny! YOUR SO FUNNY." Shigure was overenthusiastic as usual. "Don't you know?"

She cocked her head to the side, what was it? she didn't know. "Please tell me why my memory is so foggy."

Tohru touched her shoulder lightly, "There was an accident, I'm sorry."

Nanny stiffened. "The boys have died? Were we in a car crash? Oh my this is horrible!"

Shigure looked hastily around, "No, it's not that it's just that Yuki got himself in a bit of trouble. You see, he accidentally put Shrooms in the salad." He scooted his chair several feet away for safety precautions.

Nanny's face remained blank for several seconds. "You mean... that I, ...Was drugged with a, hallucinogen?"

Tohru smiled, "Exactly! Silly Yuki wasn't paying attention in health class! I told him, I said, YUKI! You had better pay attention in health class today or your going to end up eating drugs some day! But Mr.Yuki didn't listen no he-"

Shigure butted in, God was Tohru ever long winded. "Yes, yes, and so we thought we got out all of the drug but I guess we must have missed something. So.. Nanny how was your hallucination?"

Nanny concentrated on what she remembered. Dancing tigers, huge fungi, a naked shaved cow playing a banjo, and a strange skinny man in a dress. "It was very... odd." She looked down at her plate.

"Well Nanny I'm sure it was." Shigure replied, all knowing.

"Where are the boys?"

Tohru frowned, "Their being punished."

"What did little Kyo do?"

Shigure chuckled and left the table, "Something a boy his age shouldn't do." (a/n Hentai hentai)

* * *

On the morning of Nanny's last day in Japan, the Sohma's and McFarlen sat in the kitchen happily munching on their breakfasts.

Nanny noticed that the boys looked unusually happy. She also noticed that Kyo was wearing a large bulky turtle neck in the middle of May. Now that was weird. _'oh my!'_ Her face turned beat red as her mind put two and two together, could it possibly be?

"Kyo dear why are you wearing that large turtle neck? Aren't you hot kitten?" Kyo visibly twitched.

"uhh-ahh...I have a fever? Yeah and I uhh..." Kyo trailed off at a loss for words. He looked to Shigure for help.

"He shaved his arms last night and is thoroughly embarrassed with himself. Poor boy, confused about his sexuality and he's sick! Oh the life of a Sohma." Shigure yelped when Yuki stepped on his foot to shut him up.

Nanny raised her eye brow. _'he's making excuses! I knew it, He and Yuki must have confessed their love for each other last night!'_

"HICKIES!" Nanny screamed triumphantly. Yuki gave her the evil eye, and Kyo balled his fist.

Shigure's eyes twinkled, "From who-"

"So are you excited to go home now? Back to England I mean, you must be pretty excited." said Tohru winking for him to play along. The sooner this crack-pot left the better!

"Dear why are you winking? Well yes I suppose I will be excited to go home, I miss good English food. Hearty and rich and full of love!" _'love love love love gay boys love love love...'_

_"Cough-_full of fat-_Cough."_ Yuki looked around like he hadn't done anything.

"So, do you have everything packed up?" Shigure asked.

"Umm yes. THAT REMINDS ME! I can't seem to find my purple journal has any of you seen it?" Immediately Yuki and Shigure burst into fits of laughter. Shigure's eyes started to water over with tears.

"Hahaha! I hahahaha! umm I think HAHAA." Shigure clenched his stomach and fell out of his seat. It was just too dam funny!

That women and Ayame! Together!

"What he means is, hahaha, That it's HA! upstairs!" Yuki wiped his eyes and relaxed back into his chair. He could remember every little detail he'd read out of her journal. Her unrequited love for Aya, her strange and horrible full name, a fetish for broad chinned men! "Haahahaa!" Yuki laughed more and collapsed in his chair.

Kyo growled, "I don't see how you all can think my predicament is so funny! Especially you Shigure! Akito's making you clean the toilets for a month and you're laughing at me?" He jabbed Yuki's toast with his fork and shoved it into his mouth.

Shigure stopped laughing abruptly. "No, no Kyo were not laughing at you, you should be laughing with us!" He chuckled then added in darkly, "Besides, toilet cleansing is not a joking matter." This shut Kyo up. He shuddered at the thought of having to clean all the toilets in the estate. There were many toilets, and even more people to defecate in them.

Kyo could see it now, He would be merrily cleaning the seat of an especially dirty toilet when Akito, still fuming with rage after one of his episodes, knocked down the door sending splinters everywhere! Including the toilet! Kyo would cry, "Oh no! You'll get it even dirtier Akito!" and would hurry to remove the pieces. Evil Akito would cackle and shove kind Kyo head first into the filth invested bowl. Him being a cat made it all the more worse, for cats had a natural need to be clean.

Kyo shivered with disgust. "I never want to see another toilet as long as I live Shigure."

"Well." Nanny had come back from fetching her journal, they hadn't even noticed she was gone!

"AAAAAAAAAAAHH!" She was cut off by Tohru's blood curdling scream of surprise. Tohru jumped into Kyo's lap and dove under his turtle neck for safety. "Don't do that NANNY! I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE THERE!"

Kyo tuned into a very nasty shade of orange, quite like the color of his hair. "ahhh! Tohru get out get out get out!" He twitched and swung his hands around, not wanting to grab at the lump in his shirt for fear of grabbing something he wasn't supposed to.

"Kyo-ohs a carrot Kyo-oh's a carrot!" Shigure said in a sing-song voice, waving a spoon through the air.

"More like a yam actually." said Prince Yuki.

"Miss Honda! Get out from under that young man's shirt! It is positively indecent! The man is taken for god's sake!" Tohru was forcibly pulled out from her hiding spot and set down on her chair. Nanny huffed, "honestly."

"Ooooh Kyo it's a scandal! I had no idea you were seeing someone! Oh do tell!" Shigure shoved Yuki out of his chair in order to get closer to Kyo, "Tell me, did the microphones pick something naughty and forbidden up?" He gasped and pointed at Tohru, "You didn't deflower my little flower did you! No not that glowing angle?" By the time Shigure was done his nose was right up against Kyo's face, a HUGE violation of his personal space.

"Get off me you pervert! AH!" Kyo shoved Shigure away from him and onto Yuki as he was getting up off the floor.

"oof! Stupid dog!" Yuki began to pummel his cousin.

"Ahh! No! Stop, oh please mercy!" Yuki had started to bite Shigure's hair. "No! Not my raven locks!"

Tohru had had enough for one morning and grabbed Kyo by the arm. "Come on lets go, We should celebrate our freedom! I have my job back finally! WOO!" Kyo stared for a second.

"yeah.. and that means.. NO LEAKS! YEAH! Let's go already, come on I'll get my money."

"Stop right there!" Nanny had opened to the first page of her journal, and noticed that something was not right!

"AHHH! MY JOURNAL! SOMEONE HAS READ MY INNER MOST THOUGHTS!" She screamed and fell to a heap on the floor. "My deepest darkest secrets violated like this, and in such a violent and inhumane way.." Shigure was out from under Yuki before you could say,_ 'beef wellington.'_

"I have no idea in any way shape sort or form what you are talking about."

"Neither do I."

"Same here."

"Me too Nanny!"

Nanny frowned, "But someone has to know something about this! It's a travesty I say! a violation of my rights!"

Kyo snorted, "But Nanny you don't live in Japan."

"I don't care! I just wanna know who tore out half my pages!"

Shigure sighed and patted the nanny's shoulder patiently, his parenting skills had definitely improved. "Come come now Nanny. Maybe you ate them when you were high?"

She sighed and pouted for a while. Perhaps the Sohma was correct, "after all Vana White had eaten a whole meatloaf," she thought aloud. It was definitely no worse than eating her journal. _'Yes,_ she thought inwardly, _'I must have eaten them while I was under.'_

Kyo nudged Yuki in the ribs, covering his mouth with his other hand, "What the hell is she talking about?"

The Rat Prince shrugged, "Beats me"

* * *

At quarter to noon Nanny McFarlen was waving goodbye to Japan and about to board her plane back to England. In just a matter of hours she would be back home sitting comfortably in her lounge sipping tea and reading her harlequin romance.

"Well Goodbye everyone! Ou revior!" Nanny waved to Ayame and Shigure who had come to see her off. "It's been fun, so long!"

"hahah! Don't let the door hit you on the ass! Hahahaha." Shigure shouted back, smiling all the while.

"Ooh yes and Do make sure to order some of my things online! Doughnuts love!" Ayame waved cheerfully.

Gure looked to his best friend, "Doughnuts? Aya what are you talking about?" Ayame chuckled and placed his hands over his hips.

"When Ari wasn't looking I added in a little something of my own." Gure raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Every time she hears the word doughnut, she'll suffer an insatiable need to order some of my merchandise! I'll never go broke!" He beamed gleefully from ear to ear.

"Aya you **clever** bastard!"

"Yes yes, I know. I'm amazing!"

* * *

**End** :_So yeah that's it. Hope you'll enjoyed it. Got bored towards the end though. Aw well._


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